In which I critique a friend’s business card

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. I am a consumer. My critiques are based on what I would like to see as a customer.

So today, my friend Anthony Barr posted a picture of his new business cards:

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(The back says “Keep Calm and Carry On Keep Writing, but it looked weird so I’m only posting this side–I didn’t have any critiques for the back, anyway.

 

Nevermind here:

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…..*coughs*)

I asked him if I could give concrit. He readily accepted. This is the result. (My name’s been changed because of reasons. I don’t think I actually know what I’m doing with this blog post but it seemed like a good idea so I’m rolling with it.)

  • Victory Okay, so most people don’t pay attention. I understand that “keep writing” is on the backside of your card, so that means you’re a writer–what kind of a writer? You need to say something about blogs or books, maybe, idk I’ve never actually made one myself–but I would not know what your job is, based solely on this card (and that is exactly what you are trying to convey). I don’t see how the quote at the top relates to anything? Truth, goodness, beauty…. in what? Art? Writing? Craftsmanship? Your work ethic? IDKKKKKKKKK…..I don’t know if that was actually nice or not xD”Join the conversation” doesn’t tell me much. I see your website there, but what do you discuss? I’m not interested–solely as a consumer–unless I know the conversation’s going to be interesting and/or about something I like or care about. Why should I bother? (Give customers a reason to join the conversation, is what I’m saying.)

    I’m not a fan of this layout–it pulls your eyes in at least three different directions (the quote at the top, the HUGE lettering in the middle, and the phrase in the bottom left corner). I feel like MOST, if not all, of your info should be in the middle, with a little sidenote in ONE corner–if you’d like to keep the quote, position it differently (and I’m not good with this either; my spatial reasoning is…. not great. xP)

    ……nice picture. xD (See? Nice!) Ok, sorry. I’m kind of a critic. >.>

  • Victory …….SORRY
  • Anthony Barr No need for apology! That was constructive and helpful feedback! I thought about that by the way (it not being clear exactly what I do) but the thought is that anyone I’m giving the card to will remember me based on conversation and whatnot. I’m not really marketing a business or even a service per se…more just marketing myself. So it’s more about me as a person and networking so that’s why I have the picture. My goal? That I grow my network and that people remember me as someone worth talking too!Regarding the layout, thanks for the tips! I see what you’re saying about it pulling attention to three different places. I’ll play around with the next batch to see if I can correct that!
  • Victory Good idea, but people tend to forget lots of stuff. Better to write a basic summary down, as a gentle reminder, so that they don’t forget your conversations.
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Destroying Mistborn 3

Sometimes I really wish fictional characters would stop making me feel things

Take this paragraph, for instance.

“I have been satisfied regarding your actions with the skaa women,” the obligator said, looking back over the fields. “What I’ve seen and heard here indicates that you always clean up your messes. A man such as yourself—efficient, productive—could go far in Luthadel. A few more years of work, some inspired mercantile deals, and who knows?”

In other words–“It’s fine that you have your way with the women, so long as you clean up your mess afterwards.”

Gee I wonder if Lord Tresting’s a good guy or a bad guy. It’s not obvious at alllllll.

 

This tiny thing’s been sitting in my drafts for about a week, so I’m gonna go ahead and click publish. Sorry folks.

 

Destroying Mistborn 2

Okay, I’ll start off positively this time.

Sanderson does a great job of letting you know what a “skaa” is without outright stating its definition.

………this isn’t going to last, is it.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd within one page, we’ve CEMENTED the fact that Lord Tresting (whoever he is) is a complete and utter badword.

He’s “kicking the dog” by making comments about how the “skaa”–obviously slaves–should be controlled, and how they’re lazy, and how best to make them work faster. Ugh. Well, Brian, you’ve done a great job of making me hate this douchebag. *applause*

“The skaa weren’t actually Tresting’s property. Like all skaa, they belonged to the Lord Ruler[…]”
Ooooh, his title’s capitalized. I wonder if this guy is important?

*sinks head onto fist in thought*

I know I haven’t actually written or read very much at this point, and I know everything’s fairly disjointed here, but screw it. I’m just gonna save this for another day.

Destroying Mistborn

So I’m trying to like Mistborn. Really. I am.

And things are set up well–now that I look twice. The prologue pulls you inside the protagonist’s brain. I like that.

Annnnnnnnnnnd then we start the actual thing with some repetition.

“Ash fell from the sky.

Lord Tresting frowned, glancing up at the ruddy, mid-day sky as his servants scuttled forward, opening a parasol over Tresting and his distinguished guest.”

Honey. Honey no. You need to replace the second “sky” with another word. Please. K. Thanks.

But I’m not even mad. Not at you–writers often miss little things (like repeated words). I don’t expect you to notice everything.

Your editor, though?

Your editor should know better.

I’m gonna stop here for now. Will continue….

sporadically. B3